What I Left behind
by schizophrenic-twilight-lover
Summary: Fate threatens to break them apart but they held each other close. Until his mistake ruined it all. They soon meet again, but what is their destiny? Just remember, what happens in death is forever. AN:Disregard New Moon's ending. BxE
1. Karma Happens to Hate Me

**EPOV**

I looked at the newest tombstone in the Forks graveyard. The coffin was just lowered a few seconds ago and the hole filled up with dirt.

**_Isabella Marie Swan _**

**_Loving daughter and friend. She will always be remembered as the kindest of us all._**

My heart ached so badly for her, to hold her, to be with her. I couldn't take this, I felt like my heart was being ripped up into little pieces. She was dead. This picture would be burned into my mind forever, haunting me, taunting me. Maybe I could have stopped this if I hadn't left. Oh how I wished I didn't leave, but I was being selfish. Now she was in heaven, somewhere she never could be if she was with me. But I longed for her touch, her scent, her voice.

It seemed me leaving didn't have the effect I hoped it would. I knew she was strong, that she would move on and she proved me right. She moved on, she was engaged. And this all happened within a year after we left. She was planning to get married when she graduated college.** (sorry if this doesn't seem like Bella because she's moving on too fast but I didn't want her to be in her 20s when they were reunited)**.

I never thought that she would move on so fast, maybe I didn't mean as much to her as I thought I did. But she would always mean so much to me. Always. I guess I made the right choice not turning her because if I did that would have been the biggest mistake of her life.

_Edward, don't beat yourself up about this, there was nothing you could do (Carlisle)_

Ha! Nothing I could have done, how wrong he was. I could have stayed. But I left for her sake. Right now, I don't know if I made the right decision, maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I've been miserable ever since I left her and now she just shattered my heart. But maybe she was really happy during the time that I left; maybe she was happier than I could have ever made her.

_It's not fair. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! She shouldn't have died like this, she shouldn't have died! It's all my fault, I should have seen this coming! Why? WHY????(Alice)_

Alice's thoughts crashed into my head. She was obviously grieving, as calm as she was on the outside but on the inside she was a mess. Jasper had a hard time calming her down when she first found out and but after that she's been quiet. Too quiet, she only ever talks to Jasper anymore.

_Poor thing, if only we could have prevented this. (Esme)_

_She died…she died…I wonder how Edward's dealing with this. (Emmett)_

_This is all my fault, this is all my fault. If I hadn't ruin her birthday party, she wouldn't be like this. (Jasper)_

_Perfect, now we can be a family again. I was starting to get worried but now that she's dead, everything will be fine…(Rosalie)_

She broke my heart but I guess it was only fair because I broke her heart first. After the day I left her in the forest, I couldn't think of a reason not to just kill myself but then I remembered. For Bella, I would continue to live until she died. And I tried to stay away, and I succeeded for a while. But each passing day, I found it more and more difficult to not be around her. To know she wasn't with me. To know that she would eventually end up with someone else. I couldn't take it, so I thought I'd come back to Forks just to see how she's doing. I hoped that she was having a happy and normal life, not dwelling on me. But part of me hoped that she was.

What I saw broke my heart, she said yes. He had asked her to marry him and she said yes. And from then on, I knew. She moved on and it was going to be like I never existed to her. But nothing mattered anymore, because she's dead.

In a time of 2 years in Forks, she managed to break 3 hearts. Mine, the werewolf's and Charlie's. She was the only thing left for Charlie and now that she's gone.

I couldn't take it anymore, seeing her tombstone, knowing she's 6 feet under. No one but my family was around now so I ran. I ran away.


	2. Surprise, Surprise

**1/05/08**

**Omc! It's 2008! Well, this is my revised version. It's so differnt and better written but then again, it has been almost a year so yeah...anyways. Enjoy.

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EPOV**

I could feel nothing. Only the emptiness in the pit of my stomach that I had grown accustomed to in the last few months. Running gave me a release to my pent up energy, but none to my heart. I could see now that there was only one option left. With her, she had taken my heart and the only thing that kept me going day after day was that I knew she was alive somewhere in the world. My only comfort was knowing that she was living her life as she should. Of course, I knew that at times she would be sad but even with me, she would still have those times. She was safer this way and I knew it. It was something that gave me a purpose and now it was gone.

And what do people who feel that life isn't worth living do? Suicide. It was the only way, when all there is on this earth is pain what use is it to live. The thought of her tormented me like no other. And to think, the last of her I have seen is her cold, dead corpse. Still beautiful, even more so than before.

I could see the blurs of trees and flowers as I dashed through the forest. I stopped. It was no use, nothing could help me now. There was no cure to this agony, nothing could help me evade the picture of her in my mind's eye. A chilling ache ran through me. From the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. I ached for her. I lifted my head only to bring it back down in shame. Of course, I would be here. It was only rational that my luck would bring me here. To our meadow. It's hard to imagine that not so long ago, Bella was sitting beside me in this exact spot. Happiness is foreign to me. Nothing is capable of making me feel it again.

The wind blew softly. As if it was trying to comfort me but to no avail. It was useless. It would not relent though, it continued and with it was carried a distinct scent. Freesia. I looked up. She was slender with full red lips, straight brown hair down to her waist and pale skin with dark purple shadows under her eyes like me. But her eyes, they were a bright crimson.

Her eyes were wide and her mouth slightly open. It was a look of surprise. I knew that I must have been looking at her in the same way. No it couldn't be.

"Bella…"

Her mouth snapped shut in a firm grimace but opened up eventually. Just long enough for one word to be said.

"Edward."

I knew what I had to do. I lost her before, any longer without her would eventually drive me crazy. Especially now that I know she is alive. Without a second thought I ran after her. I ran as fast as I could because I was chasing after the most important thing to me ever. Without her, there was no meaning to live.

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**Yes, it is short but it's because the original one was short and I'm currently working on the next chapter and revision is 2nd to an actual update.**


	3. Sucks To Be Me

**1/05/08**

**A retelling of the her death. Revised!**

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**BPOV**

I died 3 weeks ago. Or that was what the rest of the world was led to believe. Let's just say going to Port Angeles alone at night wasn't my best idea. I was having a stressful week and I decided I needed something to calm me down. Usually I would have listened to music but it reminded me too much of…_him_. I decided to go down to Port Angeles and watch a movie instead. I had just finished eating dinner and it was only 5:30. 

I wrote a note for Charlie telling him that there was lasagne in the oven and I grabbed my keys and headed for my car. It roared to life as I put it into drive. I backed out of the driveway and started for Port Angeles. After an hour's drive, I was there. I paid for my ticket and went into the dark theatre. I didn't bother to buy and popcorn because I was still full from dinner. The movie still hadn't started yet.

As I watched the celebrity quizzes on the screen, my mind wandered to my recent engagement, to Jacob. It was more of a promise than anything else. It was a promise that I would wait for Jacob even when I was in college. He told me that we could wait until we both graduated college to actually get married but he wanted to know if I was really in love with him, enough to marry him. It took me 5 weeks to decide because part of me still loved him…Edward.

I felt the hole inside widen when I thought of his name. It still hurt so much. I wasn't sure if I could handle it without Jacob here to make the pain go away.

I wasn't as over _him_ as most people thought, only Jacob came close to knowing the extend of my pain. But even he didn't know how much I hurt. Jacob accepted me even though he knew some part of me was still in love with Edward. I would cry myself to sleep sometimes over him and wonder how I could have been so stupid. So stupid to believe in forever with him. But it's the guilt in the morning that kills me. How could I betray Jake like that, crying over another guy? We both knew that he's always come in second next to Edward and that just added to my unease. I wasn't good enough for Jake, he deserved better.

The movie started but I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy holding my sides, trying to make the pain subside. It faded a bit after the movie was half-over. I looked up just in time to see Julia Roberts kissing some guy. Just great. I should have realized this was a love story.

I ran out of the theater and into the nearby woods. I kept running until I finally collapsed on the soft grass. I was crying non-stop. I hugged my knees to my chest and started to rock myself back and forth. I stayed like that for who-knows-how-long. I realized that it's probably been a few hours; I should go home before Charlie gets worried.

I stood up and looked around. I didn't know where I was, all I saw was the lush green trees and red and purple flowers. I was lost. Panic started to build up in my chest as I tried to remember which way I came from.

I didn't know what to do. I was going to die here wasn't I? Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea, no more pretending, no more hurt…no more pain. But what about Renée? And Charlie? And Jake? Renée will have Phil to lean on and Jake was still young. He'll move on, but…Charlie. He was all alone.

I couldn't die here. If not for me, for Charlie. After all he's done for me and what I've put him through, I can't do this to him. I had to live.

Then I heard it. A rustling sound was coming from the closest tree to my right. I looked up and was met with blood red eyes. A vampire. I tried to scream but it came out as a squeak instead. He didn't speak. He just smiled and pounced on me. He brushed my neck with his teeth before sinking them into my flesh. I felt the fire again. The one I felt in the ballet studio, the fire in my veins. I screamed in agony as the fire spread and the pain worsened.

I didn't know how long I was there in the forest, screaming my head off but I was obviously deep enough in the forest that nobody heard my shouting. I felt the pain getting worse and worse until when I finally couldn't take it anymore, it stopped.

An ache had develpped in the back of my throat. I craved it, I needed it. My senses took over and before I knew what happened, I'd already drunk two children dry. Frightened with myself, I took off running. That's when I came upon a herd of deer. I lunged at them and fulfilled my thirst. Once I could think clearly, I knew what I had to do. I had to stage my death. That way, Charlie might have some peace of mind.

I went into a nearby drugstore during the night and stole loads of makeup and then went into a public restroom, locking the door. I set all the makeup down in front of the mirror and started on my assignment. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror that I saw how much beautiful I was.

My lips were full and a scarlet red. My shiny brown hair cascaded down to my waist and my cheekbones were more noticeable. My eyebrows were more ached and my eyelashes were nice and long. My body still retained it's slender shape but I now had more curves.

I started to powder my face and cover it up with concealer to make it look more human. I gathered up my makeup just incase I'd need it again and set out to find my truck. I punched a few holes into it and drove it into a tree. I smashed the windshield to make it look the window had shattered and the blood on my clothes made it look like I had been hurt.

I ran to a payphone and phoned the police telling them I found a girl dead. Then I ran back to my truck, got inside and pretended to be dead. When the police came, they all knew whom I was. Isabella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter. They ran some tests on me but of course being a vampire, I didn't have a heartbeat and I didn't need to breath. I was then declared officially dead.

The week that followed was all about my funeral arrangements. I was laid in my coffin and I just got out just before they closed the lid. I was almost caught. When I got out of my coffin (at vampire speed of course) no one could see me but I practically bumped into the priest. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I hated the thought of spending eternity, alone. I was never going to be able to visit Charlie again or Renée and Jake.

I ran back to my house, I needed to gather a few of my belongings. I left my clothes; I could not fit into them anymore. But I took my birthday presents from my parents and a picture of Charlie, Renée and me. I grabbed my bag ad stuffed everything into it and ran. Away from my human life, from my family, from everything that mattered.

I didn't know where I was or where I was going. But the running helped me think properly. I let out a bitter laugh. Wasn't this what I wanted, what I asked for. But that was before he left. Left me alone…for eternity.

I didn't realize that I had stopped until I looked around. I was at the meadow. The one where I had told him I loved him. I was on the verge of a break down but then, I smelt it. Someone else was here, and he was a vampire. My breath got caught in my mouth.

He suddenly turned to face me. It was _him. _His expression was one of surprise.

"Bella…" he whispered.

"Edward."

I didn't know what to do. What do you do when faced with an Ex who broke your heart after you declared that you loved him? What do you do when your faced with someone who used you then stomped all over you once they were done? What do you do when even after all that, you still love him? I couldn't face him. Not now.


	4. Undead Reunion

**1/05/08**

Sorry about not updating for so long but I've been pretty busy. I'm also working on a new story so check it out. **That was my old author's note...before this became...REVISED! hehe**

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EPOV **

She was fast, much faster than I thought but I had no problem catching up to her. The exhilarating feeling was enough momentum for me to find the power to catch up to her. It wasn't the usual exhilarating felling, the one of speed, no it was of knowing that I would be able to see Bella in a matter of seconds.

I caught her left arm and spun her around. There she was. Bella. My Bella. Why was she running away? Is she scared of me, does she hate me? Will she ever forgive me? I was suddenly very panicky. What if she doesn't forgive me? What if she hates me? What if she wants someone else? I cringed internally at that last thought.

I looked into her blood red eyes and saw her sadness, her fear…and something else. Anger? Well she has a right to be angry with me. I left her in the forest after telling her I didn't love her.

Without a second thought I pulled her towards me and pressed my lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me.

When we pulled away from each other I saw her eyes widen as if she just realized what she just did.

"Bella, I can't believe your still…"

"Alive?" She whispered.

"Yeah."

"Well it would have been better for you if I died wouldn't it? You're wishing that I wasn't alive right now, complicating things. You're thinking that aren't you?" She hissed at me with fury.

I felt like I had just been punched. How could she think that? I was quite taken aback. A few seconds ago she was just staring at me, now she's mad. Very mad. I could see it in her eyes.

"Well you don't have to worry about it. I don't intend to ever talk to you again. I'm staying away from you so you don't have to worry about that." She yelled at me.

"How could you think that Bella? I just kissed you, doesn't that tell you anything?" I whispered to her.

"Yes it does. It tells me you like to mess with me. You like to confuse me and I don't appreciate it."

"Bella, I…"

She cut me off.

"Stop it Edward! Stop it! Stop pretending! Stop pretending to care about me because I know you're just messing with me! I was stupid enough to believe you the first time but I'm not falling for it again so just save it for someone else."

My heart was ripped in two. She doesn't think I love her. _Well you did convince her that you didn't want her anymore that time in the forest, remember? Or did you forget already?_ That little voice at the back of my head was conversing with me again.

She was just about to run off again when I stopped her.

"Please Bella, just listen to me. Alice and Esme have missed you a lot. Jasper and Emmett too. And do you really want to hunt humans? Come back with me. We can help you with your self-control then you can go anywhere you like. For Esme and Alice and everyone else. After that you have forever to wander."

She paused, thinking about my idea.

"Please." I whispered.

She looked me in the eye.

"I'll accept but I have a few conditions. First, don't speak with me unless it's necessary. Second, don't read people's mind just to keep tabs on me. Third, no shopping trips with Alice."

I chuckled darkly.

"I guess you haven't forgotten about the shopping trips."

"It's quite hard to forget all the torture she put me through on those trips."

I smiled. Those were the good days, when I knew that I had a future with Bella. When she was still mine.

I started to run towards my house. I could hear her footsteps behind me on the soft grass. We moved back to our original house in Forks but we weren't planning on staying for long, until now. Now I wasn't sure anymore. If Bella refused to move then I would stay with her. I would do anything for her, of that I was sure.

We had reached the house now, apparently Alice had a vision because she was standing on the front lawn waiting for us.

BPOV

He took off and I followed after him, keeping up easily.

I know it would be weird hanging around with the guy who broke my heart but he made sense. I remember the bodies of the children I'd heartlessly killed. There faces forever in shock. They were so young, there was so much going for them. They died before they ever started their lives. It would probably be a little uncomfortable with his family but it was worth it. When I could control my thirst, I would go off on my own and explore.

The passing trees were a blur if I didn't concentrate on their details. The wind felt nice on my new marble-hard body. I could smell the sweet scent of the strange purple flowers throughout the forest and _his _scent. It was indescribable. I loved it and hated it.

I didn't notice that we were at his house already until Alice suddenly jumped on me.

"Bella! You're alive! I'm so glad, I thought you were dead and, and…" She started to dry sob.

"I missed you so much!" She sobbed out.

She was hugging me so hard that I literally couldn't breathe but I guess that doesn't matter since I don't need oxygen.

By now, the rest of the family was out on the lawn to see what all the commotion caused by Alice was about. I can tell you that they were all very surprised to see me alive.

"Bella..." Esme whispered before running over and embracing me in a hug.

Everyone else was speechless except for Rosalie. She just looked at me with indifference.

Esme finally let go of me so Alice could drag me into the house.

"I'm so happy! Finally, you're my sister!" She gushed.

"Um, I don't mean to burst your bubble but I'm just kind of visiting for a while." I told her.

"What? But aren't you staying with us? Why aren't you…is it because of…" She trailed off at the end but I knew what she was about to say.

"Well, you see Alice. I'm just staying with you guys until I can control my thirst. After that, I'm gone."

"Please don't go, don't go." She begged me.

"Alice, it's not until later on like 50 years from now okay? This is going to be a long visit so don't worry, we can discuss this later."

"Okay. But you _will _be staying. One way or another. " She replied. Her mood suddenly brightened. "Ooooo! We could go shopping!"

"Um…I don't think so…I have…other commitments…like not killing anyone…and stuff…"

I tried to think of excuses off the top of my head. Anything to get out of shopping with Alice. I heard a chuckle from behind and turned around. Emmett stood there with an amused expressing on his face.

"This isn't funny." I glared at him.

"Surrrreeehhh." Was his only reply.


	5. Clothing is a Must, Deal With It

**1/05/08**

**Chappie 5...REVISED!!! Haha, bet cha didn't see that coming, eh?**

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This really wasn't funny. I had enough of Alice's shopping to last me a lifetime when I was human. It was torture; she always had to buy at least one thing from every store for me. No one sane would want to go shopping with Alice willingly. 

"Alice just let Bella out of shopping this once okay? She just got back."

Surprisingly, Jasper said that.

I looked at him curiously and he gave me an apologetic smile. Oh, I get it. He's feeling guilty about my birthday party.

I smiled back at him.

I couldn't blame him for what happened. If anything I was thankful. Edward had been playing me all along and when Jasper tried to attack me, Edward decided it was time to get out before he got in too deep with me. My eyes grew dark at that thought.

I hate him. I hate him so much. I gave him my heart and he threw it away. I got in way too deep with him and I started to love him. That was a mistake, a mistake that still hurts. I hate him for doing that to me, for breaking me. I hate him for telling me that he loved me, for making me believe. But most of all I hate myself for loving him still.

"Bella, are you alright?" Jasper asked me quietly.

Oops, I forgot that he could feel all my emotions.

"Yeah, you've been staring into space for 10 minutes now." Alice added.

"Sorry. Just thinking." I answered.

"Oh, okay…," Alice said. "So, Bella what size are you?"

"Um…I'm not sure but I use to be a size 2."

She looked me over.

"Well now you're about a size…0."

I stared at her.

"You mean I dropped 2 sizes?"

"Yeah." She gushed. "I can't wait until you can control your thirst, then we go shopping all the time!"

"Whoa, Alice hold on here. We just got her back, don't scare her away again." Emmett warned, chuckling.

She glared at him.

"Do you want to get hurt?" She threatened.

"Like you could."

"Watch me." She growled before tackling him

I laughed as I watched the two brawl. It was funny watching Emmett get beat up by someone that was about ¼ of his size.

"Oh stop it you two," Esme scolded. "You're going to break another wall. Now Bella dear, why don't I show you to your room? "

"Okay." I answered as I followed her up the staircase.

As we walked through hall she would point out who's room was who's. The walls were a warm peach color with lots of paintings on random places. There was a small chandelier every few meters and the carpet was changing from a plush red to a dark gold. Everything seemed to fit together, it looked perfect.

"Wow Esme, you've done a wonderful job to this place."

She chuckled.

"Thank you. I decided this house needed a change."

We've reached the end of the hall now with a 3 doors across from each other. Esme opened the first door revealing a beige and light orange room. There was a king sized bed with velvet curtains around it, a silver framed vanity and a pinkish-orange L shaped couch with matching love seats. A glass coffee table was place in front of the couch and on the ceiling was a crystal chandelier.

"I'll leave you to get comfortable, tell me if you need anything."

I nodded. There were two doors in my temporary bedroom and a window that opened up into a balcony. I wonder what's behind those doors. It turned out to be an enormous bathroom with a just as big closet. The bathroom had a marble countertop and flooring. The mirror was 10 light bulbs long and the shower and bath were separate. I noticed that there were two doors in the bathroom though. One led to my room and the other was a mystery.

I must be sharing this bathroom with someone. My theory was proved correct when I saw all the products in the shower and in the cabinets.

I went back into my room laid on my bed and started to think, about everything. How was I going to stand living in the same house as Edward? What a mess I've gotten myself into. By the time I have my blood thirst under control, it would probably be very close to half a century. I would probably be there to have the great enjoyment of watching Edward fall in love with some girl too, I thought bitterly to myself.

I need to stop thinking about these things, to clear my head. I had to if I wanted to remain sane. I decided to take a shower and change my clothes. After all, it had been a while since I showered. I was just about to look for a change of clothe when I heard someone walking towards my room. It was Alice. I opened the door before she had the time to knock.

"Hey."

Oh no. She was armed with shopping bags and makeup boxes.

"No makeovers Alice!" I practically shouted at her.

I heard a few people laughing downstairs.

"But Bella! You can't just go around where _that_ for the rest of your life! And you would look really nice after I'm done!"

I realized I was going to have to make a compromise. I had no other clothing and I wasn't willing to wear what I was wearing until I could go shopping and control my bloodlust.

"Alice, how about you can pick my outfit for today but NO makeup!"

She seemed a little disappointed but agreed.

"I'm going to take a shower, just leave what you picked out on the bed." I told her.

Once in the bathroom, I stripped down and stepped in the shower. The water felt nice against my cold, stony skin. I decided to borrow some shampoo from my mystery 'bathroom buddy' since I didn't have any of my own. After a while, I decided it was time to come out of my calm sanctuary. After toweling off and brushing through my hair, I decided it was time to get dressed. Wrapped in a towel that wasn't big enough to cover me as well as I wanted, I walked over to my bed. On it laid lacey lingerie along with a orange and blue halter top and low rise denim capris.

I sighed and put the lingerie and capris on scowling at the halter top. It was just the kind of thing I wouldn't have worn as a human. But as a vampire, I guess it was…acceptable, more or less.

Just as I reached for the top, my door opened and Edward walked through obviously not paying attention to where he was going. When he saw me, his eye went wide and his jaw went slack.

I screamed in surprise and jumped on the bed, pulling the curtains around me so only my head was showing. Edward was embarrassed, that much I could see and for the first time since I've known him he couldn't talk fluently.

"Oh Be-Bella, I…I…I didn't mean to, to. I wa-wasn't paying attention. I'm sor-sorry….I'll just..um…go..now." He said shutting the door behind him.

I scowled at the door. Stupid, vampire. 


	6. Reasons Why She's Hott

1/05/08

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...or do I?**

**Sorry for the long wait and short chapter but I've been busy with my other stories and stuff. Especially since I'm attempting to still have a social life. LOL. Review 'kay? **That was the old note before I REVISED! this chapter...but not much.

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This is what I wanted remember? For Bella to move on and to leave me behind. I was trying to protect her. I was trying to save her from me and my lifestyle; of the supernatural. _So much difference that made_.

I knew when I made the decision to leave that Bella would eventually move on. I knew I was destroying myself but it was worth it to keep Bella safe. I never thought she would become one of us anyways. I wanted her to live a normal life, to grow old, to have kids and to be able to have a life outside the family. That was – is my greatest wish for her. _That's a lie. _Great, now even the voice in my head is calling me on my bluff.

Everyone was gone by now. Doing one thing or another and I've got nothing to do but despair. I trudged up the stairs into the long hall.

_You may not admit it to others but you wanted this. _No I didn't. I wanted Bella to have humanity, to be innocent. _Yes but you wanted this too. _I sighed. I knew deep down I really did want this. I wanted to show Bella how much I love her without harming her, I wanted to have forever with her. I tried not to because I knew it was selfish to want something like this. To want to take away her soul but I couldn't help it. I wanted this and sooner or later I would have caved. So I left to save her.

Even now, a part of me is secretly glad that she's changed. _She doesn't love me anymore so why does it matter?_ I cringed internally at these words. _She doesn't love me… she'll belong to someone else soon…_My hands were clenched, gathering fistfuls of my clothes in them.

_Why are you torturing yourself like this Edward?(Jasper)_

I looked up to find myself staring at the door leading into Alice and Jasper's room. I'm guessing my mood isn't so great for Jasper. I continued down the hall trying to not let my mind wander to Bella and failing completely.

How would I survive like this? With Bella so close yet just out of my reach I don't think I can manage. I turned the doorknob to my room and stepped in still deep in thought. Wait, someone else is here. Freesia. I looked up to see Bella, in capris and… a bra. I felt my jaw slacken as I stood there ogling at her.

She screamed and jumped on the bed practically tearing the curtains out in an attempt to cover herself showing only her head. I tried to say something to calm her down but nothing came to mind. I tried to make a decent excuse.

"Oh Be-Bella, I…I…I didn't mean to, to. I wa-wasn't paying attention. I'm sor-sorry….I'll just..um…go..now."

I walked out shutting the door behind me and walked into _my _room which happen to be right across fro hers. With that image of Bella fresh in my head all I could think was 'Wow'.

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**A favor, if you know any songs that fit Twilight or Edward then could you tell me? And I don't mean vaguely, I mean like straight forward and totally recognizable. Thanks. **


	7. Mindless Chatter and Other

**Okay guys...I screwed up. See, i accidentally deleted this chapter and my computer crashed a few weeks ago so I don't have the 7th chapter...I know. I'm such an idiot. I might try to type it up again if I have time...I suck :(**


	8. Vampires Defy the Laws of the World

**11/3/07 (3 min from 11/4)**

**Disclaimer: If you don't know then please go visit a mental institute or something**

**Sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I was busy.

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BPOV 

Days, weeks, months, time flew by me, too fast yet still too slow. Nothing changed. Everything was as it should be, the world in alignment. The routine was basic and loose. Plans changed, times, changed, events were rearranged within their… our little family but I knew vaguely what to expect.

I lived for the warm frivolous sunny days when I could wander the back woods of our house with the warmth of the rays on my skin. The tingling sensation that pulled on me. Yet these days, I rejoiced in the rain too. The soft, melodic beat of the _pitter-patter _drops and the coldness as it slid down my body.It represented the tears I could not cry and the sadness that had no other source of release. Funny, I use to hate the rain. It was always too wet, too cold and never enough for me.

Unfortunately, today was a day of neither kind. There was no sun and no rain. Just the dull, translucent clouds hovering in the sky lingering with no reason of being. I sighed. They were just like me. No purpose in life but still there, floating, wandering, waiting for their time.

Silently, I ran up the stair to my room. Rushing to my bed and flopping on it, I pulled a book off my nightstand along with a magazine. Closing my eyes, I blindly picked one of the two. I smiled as I saw Wuthering Heights in my hands.

"Bella."

I looked over to see Alice…with a bottle of nail polish in her hands. Uh oh. She smiled, knowing what my expression entitled.

"Don't worry. I saw it in a vision. It's going to go super with that black flowing skirt and denim corset."

I might as well let her. She always gets her way anyways. At least she helped me pick out tomorrow's outfit. Resignedly, I beckoned her over.

"Let's get this over with."

An hour and 4 layers of Denim Chrome later, I was lying comfortably in my bed pretending to sleep. Of course, everyone in the family knew I couldn't sleep but it helped ease my occasional mourning of life. Today was just one of those days. Life gets you down and you need help to get back up.

"Bella?" A melodic honeyed voice asked quietly. Edward.

"Come in." I said timidly.

Nothing had really changed between us in these last few months. I avoided him too much for us to make any progress but the hole burned no more. It was still there, waiting for it's time but I've become more of less immune to it. It's still stings, and sizzles around the edges when Edward is in sight, but there was nothing to make it burn. Yes, Edward no longer loves me and there's no way to go back to a that place and time again. But nothing can erase the fact that it happened. It was too short a time but it was there. There was a time when Edward did love me… at some point. Maybe even for just a second and though I'd rather have him love me instead of _loved_ me, this knowledge is enough to numb the pain for now.

Edward walked into the room and closed the door, standing awkwardly, if not sure what to do. I looked at him nervously and cleared my throat. He came over to sit beside me hesitantly, asking for my permission. I didn't push him away.

"Bella," He said my name slowly as if tasting it. "Can we talk?"

"Sure."

I fidgeted with my fingers managing to rub the nail polish clean off. I guess Alice's going to make me reapply it again.

"I need to let you know when I …left, I was trying to do what was best for you. I had no idea how it would all end. I should have known, should have seen this coming but I didn't. I'm really sorry. I know you may not forgive me but I lov…"

I cut him off. He's face full of raw emotions. So innocent, so real, so sad. His eyes begging for forgiveness.

"I understand Edward. I forgive you, you couldn't have seen this coming but promise me one thing?"

I rushed through my words. His expression composed but I could see a twinge of hurt reflecting in his eyes.

"Anything." Desperate.

"No more lies."

Guilt flashed across his face.

"No more lies." He repeated.

Unsure of what to do now I got up off the bed. He followed.

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"I know that your going to need time and space but I think you should know that you can talk to me if you want. I still care about you. More than you know." I wasn't sure if I was suppose to hear the last part.

I turned around and plastered a smile on my face.

"I'll be sure to remember."

He didn't seem content with my answer but gave a small smile but leaving me alone in my room. I guess we're finally getting somewhere but I didn't seem to care at the moment, I could have just found out that the world was going to explode and I wouldn't give a damn. A drowsiness overcame me and my eyelids shut themselves as a numbness spread through my body.

Starting in my hand, it winded its way up through my arm and tread into the rest of me. My mind blurred and nothing could be felt. There was pressure on me, somewhere but no pain, no discomfort, just pressure. That was all that was felt before blackness enveloped me and I sunk.

I was falling, the wind rushed around me slapping at my skin, howling in my ears. I tried to open my eyes but nothing happened. I fell. The dirt gave way to the jagged rocks underneath as they poked at my skin. The impact of the fall threatened to bruise my back if I hurt myself anymore. A sudden pain rose indistinctively. I cried out hoping for help.

I tore at my flesh trying to stop the pain. I felt the venom leak out of my system slowly as I withered on the ground. Hell, that's where I am right now. Hell. I ground my teeth together and resisted biting my lip off. I rolled on the rocks trying to find ease but with no avail. Giving up, I let the pain overwhelm me and lost myself in the sea of agony.

**

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Short chapter but I'll make the next one longer okay? Anyways, I've got a test for you.**

Read the following question, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively. 

**1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?**

**I'll tell you what your answers mean next time I update.**

**Au revoir mes amis! **


	9. Pretty Boy In Her Mind

**11/27/07**

**Sorry for not updating for so long but all my lessons and homework has kept me busy. I hate my math teacher, he doesn't teach me a thing and he made everyone in my class fail a math test because he f-cking sucks at math! Life is really complicated for me. My mom's making me go to Cadets for another month (ewww) and it really sucks. We have a stupid camping trip in the middle of f-cking winter! WTH!?! As for the questions from last time, they should be answered here and if they aren't then you can ask me to tell you more clearly in a review or PM.

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BPOV 

His blond hair fell into his black-rimmed eyes as he maneuvered me onto the bed. His eyes flickered towards me.

"What are you doing?"

I tried to struggle against his grip but my arms won't move.

"What's happening?"

My arms remained locked at my side as he handcuffs me to the railing.

"Tell me!"

My lips begin to go numb and the feeling is gone. I strife to continue my next word.

"Now!"

His eyes pierce me. It hurts. His gaze hypnotizes me into a delusion of pain, and the bed disappears from under me. The emptiness burns my skin as I descend into a whirlwind of colors. It swirls around me, daring me to touch it but ii know better. I won't. Instead, it comes to me.

No! I scream in my head. My instincts shriek at me. Don't touch it! Don't let it touch you! I back away from it and run but it catches up. It settles on me and searing pain enters my body. I cry out but there's no one to hear me.

It hurts. It's hurting. The words run through my mind indefinitely.

I close my eyes only to be met with reality. I'm back, the dingy beige room with the blond haired boy. I stare at him in horror, my eyes wide and my nerves frayed. What did he do? I'm afraid. I shift my eyes down; looking him in the eye was a mistake. Suddenly, something catches my eye. My shirt; I look down to find myself covered in a thick, wet substance. It drips down on my pants and soaks through my clothing. Blood.

My arms are also covered in purple and green bruises. Cuts go down the length of my arms and blood seep through. The bruises ache when I touch them and my back goes weak. Something's wrong here, I think to myself. I'm a vampire; vampires can't bleed. Bruises aren't possible since I have no blood vessels to burst and not many objects are able to harm me in any way.

"I know."

My eyes flick up. My mouth slowly defrosts from the numbness.

"Know what?"

His stoic face remains. Nothing changes and he doesn't bother to reply. His eyes seem to glow, as does most of his being. I find myself transfixed to him. I watch his every movement and analyze his every step. My gaze follows him everywhere and I am unable to stop myself.

Sudden dizziness sweeps me off my feet and I fall. Everything is going black again, I'm afraid. What will I see the next time I awake? Where will I be? I need something to hold comfort in but there is nothing. Nothing is stable and nothing is known to me. But I need something to keep me sane, something to ease my mind even if I have to sooth it with lies.

"What's your name?"

He doesn't answer. The darkness is closing in as his figure becomes blurry. I need something! Anything. I'm desperate.

"Please," I call out. "Just tell me, what's your name?"

He turns around and looks me in the eye. A dazzling smirk appears on his face as he comes across the room to kneel by me. My arms are still frozen at my side and my body is unresponsive to my commands. There is nothing I can do as he leans down and caresses my face with his hand. Once again, it has overtaken me. The nothingness kills me, as I slowly grow more and more unconscious.

_Death._

It's whispered in my ear. It's the last thing I hear.

------------------------- Fancy Page Break ------------------------------

My muscles are tense and sore as I try to move. Where am I? My eyes open slightly only to be blinded by a bright flash of light. I cry out in surprise before slumping back in the bed. Sudden realization hits me like a train. I'm in a bed, waking up from sleep. Was it all a dream? Everything?

Panic seeps through me. How much of it was a dream? Did I dream up that Edward left? I winced slightly. Using all the willpower I could muster, I open my eyes fully. I was met with a beige and light orange wall. Confused, I sit up quickly and try to understand. Vampires can't sleep. I just slept and possibly had a dream of being kidnapped. I'm now awake in bed in the Cullen's house.

"Bella!"

Alice rushes into my room and onto my bed.

"Get ready. We're going to have a visitor and I need to dres-Ahh! What did you do to your nails?"

I grinned sheepishly.

"Now I have to redo them! Come here, you need some makeup. A little lip gloss and some mascara…"

I tuned her out. I love her but she can be a little annoying sometimes.

"Bella! Bella! Are you listening to me? I don't know exactly when he or she will get here but I know it's going to be soon. We don't have much ti-."

The doorbell rang. Alice pouted her lips.

"See? I haven't even gotten the chance to fix your nails."

Sighing, she walked out of my room. I heard the door opening. The new vampire smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. I breathed in the sweet scent while eavesdropping on what was being said downstairs.

"We ask that you respect our wishes of not hunting humans around this area. We wish to remain here for a while longer." Carlisle said.

"I understand. I am not here to jeopardize your secret. I have another task to attend to anyways."

The voice was sweet as honey and smooth as silk. There was an essence in it that made it sound graceful but masculine. What can I say? It was attractive.

"Thank you for your co-operation. We will ask nothing more of you and you won't be harmed by us as long as you don't attack us first."

I walked slowly downstairs, curious as to what the new vampire looked like. It was obviously a male by the sound of his voice. I was at the bottom of the stairs by now and about to enter the room where everyone was currently gathered.

"May we ask you your name?"

I peeked into the room and gasped lightly. His blond hair fell perfectly into place and his sculpted face emanated beauty, but that was not why I was so surprised. He just happened to look exactly like the man from my dreams. He turned to face me and smiled alluringly.

"Riley."

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**Hey guys. Sorry about complaining and swearing a little but I'm realy annoyed right now. I apologize for taking up your time while you read this. Anyways, the answer to the test from last time is: **

**A) Whoever you are walking with is the most important person in your life.**

**If you said no one, don't worry, that's what I said too.I don't know if that's sad or normal but I don't care. Because I am happy being independant! Next question is:**

**2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?**


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